Good morning to all

Let me begin with an apology for my post yesterday. My circumstances left me with little time for proof reading and consequently it did not flow as clearly as it should have.

My purpose in sharing these initial experiences is two fold. The first objective is to establish a type of journal of personal experiences for friends and loved ones. The second objective is to share with you why I have reservations about accepting doctrinal explanations adopted as conventional wisdom in the Church.

When I first began studying topics on my mission and thereafter, I had a few concerns and one very big assumption. My concern was centered on the number of people I had known who immersed themselves into a study of Church history and doctrine only too leave the Church thereafter. I did not want to become another spiritual casualty and so I thought it wise to take steps to protect myself. Joseph Smith did not have the benefit/challenge of the Journal of Discourses nor was he faced with doctrinal opinions that were constantly evolving with the restoration. Joseph was uneducated and relied solely on revelation from God to interpret scripture. It was Joseph's pattern I wanted to follow because that is the pattern preached in the scriptures. When Joseph knew something it was always learned from the most reliable, unimpeachable sources.

In the beginning I established a few rules that became the foundation of my search. They are:

1. Never leave the Church.
2. Never leave the Brethren.
3. Never leave the Standard Works.
4. Don't lose faith in what you know because of something you don't know.
5. I recently added this last one but it closely relates to #2. Don't become an accuser of your brethren.

Most of these are self explanatory. Number two and number five require some explanation. This has to do with the assumption I made after returning from my mission. It was my belief personal study would be encouraged in the Church. This assumption turned out to be partially incorrect. Over the podium the Brethren encourage everyone to seek greater light and knowledge. In practice, limitations are arbitrarily placed on what can be spoken and what cannot. Ironically, this even applies to the Brethren. Note how Elder Packer's last conference talk was altered to soften his remarks about homosexuals. I have no axe to grind in this controversy. I saw nothing wrong with his original comments nor do I care the decision was made to alter Elder Packer's talk. The issue for me is much broader than Elder Packer's talk.

There exists within the Church an entrenched philosophy that suppresses and sacrifices personal revelation in the name of order. This has given rise to a priestly, academic and scholarly approach to the scriptures. It is as if we encourage all men and women to read the Book of Mormon and pray about it. When they get their answer the institutional Church wants them to set aside their personal experience with God and subordinate their search for light and knowledge to lesson manuals written on a six grade level. The Brethren are rightfully concerned about feeding the newest members of the Church with milk. Unfortunately, those who have been members of the Church continue to spiritually drown in milk because they need meat and don't know where to find it. The search for meat is what draws us to a personal relationship with God. The Church has entered into Melchizedek Priesthood Covenants with God and stand at risk of being rejected if they don't begin to honor the covenants they have made. The Brethren live and exemplify these principles, the Church does not. This is exactly the circumstance that led the Lord to reject ancient Israel. The Brethren talk of "raising the bar" but the truth is, the bar was never lowered.

We are losing many of the rising generation because they have not experienced nor witnessed the gifts of the Spirit. Membership in the Church has become a family tradition that often feels lifeless and institutional. All of this has been done with the best of intentions and that is why I do not want to be an accuser of my brethren. Generally they are dedicated and devoted men who have good albeit misplaced intent.

Deseret Book has become the "Talmud" to our Scriptures. The Jews look to the Talmud for oral interpretations to the Torah, (the five books of Moses.) The Jews have elevated the Talmud above the Torah and consequently their actions have left them with no living prophets.

These issues form the composition of the "mists of darkness" spoken of in Lehi's dream of the Tree of Life. It is interesting to note the mists "arose" after the people were on the straight and narrow path.

I will never leave the Church, never leave the Brethren, never leave the scriptures and never be an accuser of my brethren. One other thing I will never do is leave my salvation in their hands. There is a reason they are General Authorities and not Specific Authorities. The Specifics are between us and God and if we neglect the specifics we, not they, will suffer the consequences. If you have been endowed in the Temple of God you are authorized to represent yourself before the Lord. To do otherwise is to mimic the children of Israel and suffer rejection as a chosen people.